Golden
by Spoodlexiii
Summary: Akihiko found himself entranced with that boy since he had met him. He was a nobody…but Aki learned that when the day met the night, that boy quickly became somebody to him.
1. Part 1

_When the moon fell in love with the sun,_

_Always golden in the sky,_

_Always golden when the day met the night._

* * *

I had been watching him for some time now. It wasn't as though the shy glances were entirely one-sided, but when I was neither scolded nor encouraged for this behavior, I wondered if his were from curiosity or something else. My glances were entirely for collecting data. What made this other run, what made him think, what inspired him to do what he did? What was his drive? I knew my drive. I knew why I was who I was, and why I did what I did. Yet no one knew what went on in the silent boy's head, and it wasn't entirely impossible that he didn't know quite so well either. I'd watch him from the corner of my eye, I'd always made sure he kept up if we were on the job, but I didn't think I had to. Something drove him, and I was fascinated.

This interest in the boy had started long ago. It was the beginning of the school year, and he was new. His intelligence had yet to be proven, his bravery was unknown, and being the new boy with clearly faulty verbal interaction most of the girls found him a bit odd. There was no allure to him yet. Perhaps it was shyness from being exchanged in at his junior year, perhaps it was an anxiousness to not stand out, and perhaps it was the desire to just sink quietly into the walls and pretend he wasn't there. No one knew, and I supposed no one cared. He was the boy who had arrived at the side of popular Yukari Takeba, and that was all he was.

I felt little guilt in thinking this. He was just another face, another boy, and he shared my dorm. Supposedly, he was a perfect new applicant to SEES, but there was no proof. I wasn't convinced. Hell, I had barely been able to prove my own strength, and I had been apart of the school 'club' since it was established. I wasn't strong enough myself, and therefore, no one else was either. Little Takeba was new and had never even pulled the trigger of an Evoker. Mitsuru's strength was stolen by the machines to help her stay aware of the danger around us. I was the powerhouse, but yet I had hardly proven myself. I hardly believed I was strong enough to defeat any of those Shadows that could come my way, so when this thin, voiceless little boy was Ikutsuki's next 'great find', I was skeptical.

Yet, I was intrigued by this silent little nobody. One of the nights after he had appeared, I sat quietly at a monitor. We had to be sure he had the power, and so surveillance was in order. Ikutsuki had come up with a feeble lie about a room mix-up to help buy some time, and although I didn't like spying on the kid, I didn't altogether mind it either. I sat at the screen, watching him sleep, even as the world around us turned into a green nightmare, and watched him sleep on. Blue hair in his eyes, tousled from rolling about to find comfort, scattered across his cheeks like pale petals of a discolored flower. Whenever I'd see him then on, I couldn't shake that image of soft flowers, of how a white flower would look like in the glow of a subtle moon. When considering that boy, I always thought of him as petite and slight, hidden behind shield after shield, and I wanted to know his inner thoughts. By seeing him sleep, I hoped to know about him, I hoped to learn what he was like through his sub-conscious appearance. The boy remained painfully closed, even in the vulnerability of sleep. _I wanted in! I wanted to know why he was so guarded! Why was he so special?_ What sorts of secrets did this quiet male hold within his heart?

No less than a night after that, I went out to stop a Shadow, one of _Them_. _They_ were strong Shadows, stronger than one man could handle, but I didn't care. When I realized this, it was too late, and I was injured. I had to retreat, like a coward, and I knew the full moon was laughing at my back as I ran. I called my comrades the best I could, but one of my arms were as good as useless. What I fool I was, too eager and too arrogant. To think that I could even try to handle one as strong as this was ridiculous and it was like pressing a hot brand into my ego. It hurt as bad as my arm did. Never again would I be caught this weak; once I could, I would train harder, I would be better, and then I could prove to not only myself, but everyone around me, that I was strongest. I could handle the Dark Hour. I could handle the secrets of Personae. I could handle Tartarus, with no help. I could go it alone, and I wouldn't have to wait for the weak little newbies to build their strength and get used to the tiring effects of the Dark Hour.

I got back, but _it_ was hot on my tail. Now, I can't quite recall the details. But I could remember staring into that screen again, as the monitor found that boy and Takeba. Takeba rendered useless, obviously frightened, but he stood there. Eyes shielded, face expressionless, even as the horrid Shadow reared its ugly mask and its many flailing arms. He was weak, he hadn't even discovered his Persona yet, and I moved to help him. I had to! That idiot, quiet boy, that moon-stained flower, was going to get himself killed and I would not let that happen. Worse yet, his Persona would rip from him and kill everything; including Takeba, and I didn't know if I could witness another death by accidental and unintentional hands…and what it did to a person.

Then, the boy grabbed Takeba's gun. This. This was when I realized who this boy was, or at least I figured out he was not a nobody. This underclassman, this shy male, the moon flower, was most definitely a somebody. But, as I watched Orpheus come from this boy, and then seeing the horrid beast rip out of the Persona and destroy the Shadow, my question turned from who he was, to _what_ he was. Two Personae? One a horrid creature, the other like the rest of ours? The sick expression on his face as that monster of a Persona slaughtered the Shadow made me anxious. But then it was gone, and Orpheus had returned, and I knew that the boy had control. The guarded look returning and hiding everything from the world, and like a hook with bait, he drew me in; hook, line, and sinker.

I watched him as the days passed, while he slept. Not often, and not often enough for anyone to notice. But I would sit beside his bed while the doctor mended to my own injuries. Sleeping on and on, and I realized then that the moon flower's soft petals were disheveled. Uneasiness was through the youth's body, I was concerned, but as I moved to try and touch him in an effort to bring him comfort, words slipped from his mouth unwittingly. I had only heard him speak once before, and that had been the nights before when he became aware of his potential. What slipped through his mouth made me anxious and all the more curious.

**Home.**

Home. What did this mean? The boy hadn't stirred, and the doctor had told me to leave him be for a while, but I was starving for information. I was so desperate to know what he was thinking. I left despite this and didn't come back to visit again. Anymore, and I had a feeling Takeba would catch me caring, and that was something I did not want to happen. For now, he was an underclassman, and a Persona-user like me. I was his superior, and though I was hurt too badly to fight right now…just he wait. Then I would prove to this boy that I was his superior…and that I should be admired for my strength.

I helped him, and his friend Iori (who I found one night and discovered he had the potential) learn the ropes of being a Persona-user. Behind closed doors, I seethed in silent jealousy. My curiosity was quickly morphing into an obsession that I kept to myself. I was his senior, his senpai, and I was stronger than he was. I was stronger even if I was hurt, and even if he could wield many Personae, and even if he could wield a heavy axe (whose origins made me curious, as Kurosawa only supplied axes for one person, and he wasn't sticking around the SEES headquarters anymore) while I relied on my fists. I was a boxer, he was what? Nothing. He was a nobody. My jealousy burned in my stomach, but yet I couldn't bring myself to hate the moon flower. Where did he get his strength? What made him fight? Never giving us a solid reason, and even if he had, his mumbles were so unintelligible that it was stupid to try and decipher. This boy…I'd find out sometime. Even if it ate me alive, my curiosity would lead me to the answer, and then I would have finally cracked his shell. If I could get past those guarded eyes and that blank face, then I would know _him_. Then, I wouldn't think of him as a nobody. Then, he'd stay as that moon flower.

We went about our lives, as messed up as they actually were under the shell of normality. When I recovered, I joined their group, and I was actually surprised when I learned our skill levels were not far apart. Polydeuces and his strength were not heavily outmatched by the other's current roster. I hadn't asked him who he could summon upon, but the rotation I saw when we got into a fight consisted of Personae called Inugami, Unicorn, and Chimera. It was an offensive team, but Polydeuces could keep up equally. I was very satisfied with myself and so relieved when I had learned that I was not inferior to this boy. In the sick glow of the hallways of Tartarus, when he was distracted, I'd look to him and smile. I could show this runt up. I could prove to this silent male that I was better than him. Then, he would look to me with respect. Then, he would look up to me, and wish he was as strong as I was.

It was a goal I desperately wished to achieve.

It was June eighth when I realized that maybe, he wasn't as strong as I had thought. This night, we were on a rescue mission. We, meaning the boy, Iori, and I, were on a rescue mission for missing Fuuka Yamagishi. We stood in the gym, waiting for the clock to strike eleven fifty-nine, and then the minute that would send the world into the Dark Hour. We stared at each other, in silent anticipation and unspoken anxiety. He never said anything, but Iori was strangely silent. Funny enough, I really _didn't_ want to know what was going through _his_ head. I turned to the boy, who was sitting in the bleachers, staring out the window. The faint glow of a full moon on his face, staining him, and instantly I wanted to move to him and call him a moon flower.

**What if something bad happens?** Iori asked, taking my mind from the boy. It made me irritated, but I did not voice this. Instead, I just continued to watch the other. The blue-haired junior caught my gaze, and I looked away quickly, but when I gazed back his shielded eyes just looked curious. It made the hairs on my spine rise and I quickly decided that answering Iori's question was a better course of action.

**We're strong**, I finally replied. **We can hold our own. **Iori didn't look convinced, but I felt pretty assured in my own strengths. I glanced to the boy, and he was back to staring out of the window. Then I felt it more than I saw it. The clock hit midnight, and our world deformed. I met darkness before I could yell out in shock. When I did stir, the sick glow of Tartarus was all around. There was no irritating chatter from Iori, and there was no vague feeling of being stared at from that underclassman. Mitsuru was trying to reach me, and though I could hear her, I couldn't quite catch what she was saying. I tried to reply, but it seemed fruitless and I started to move on. I traveled, trying to find my partners. Disoriented and anxious, I tried to find the two, but the more stairs I climbed, the more concerned I got. So at the next staircase, I stopped still, and waited. Iori soon found me, and then we waited for that boy. We waited, and waited, but still he had yet to come. I was growing concerned the longer we waited it out, but Iori was too busy dancing around in either boredom or eagerness. He just wanted to find the girl and get out.

**Where in the hell is he?** I demanded after another long few minutes. Iori had no answer, just looked at me a bit anxiously. Was I putting him on edge? Good. He was like a bored three year old and it was annoying the hell out of me, so I was glad he was finally put into silence. He had a good heart and good intentions, don't get me wrong, but his stupid and stubborn attitude hopelessly clashed with mine when I was nervous or upset. There was only one other person who was as thick-headed as I was and could get away with it.

That was when I saw him. The boy stumbled down the hallway, leaving a silky trail of crimson in his wake, blood moving down his hairline and into his only seeable eye. A pale look to his face, the shield in his eyes cracked. That was when I realized I was seeing something I hadn't since that brief moment, back on the rooftop. Fear. On the rooftop, it had been brief, it had been sudden, and it had disappeared quickly. This time, the fear remained even as he drew closer. I shoved myself up from the ground and hurried to him, touching his shoulder and using the other hand to push back those soft blue locks.

**It's not bad**, I told him softly, smiling. He just stared back at me, those gray eyes wide and full of a fractured resolve. I knew what he was thinking before he said it, because maybe I understood his personality a bit more. I wasn't sure yet. I don't know if I ever could be. The silent words in his frightened eyes were 'I want to go home'. Where this home was, I wasn't sure I knew. I didn't think it was the Iwatodai dorm. Not that it mattered right now. I shook my head, taking both of his shoulders in my strong hands. **Not yet. It's okay. We'll find her and then we can go. We'll get you patched up then. **He nodded, looking consoled, and the crack in his eyes disappeared. The fear faded, and he hoisted up his axe. Determined and once again ready for the next challenge. Such a strange individual, I found myself thinking then. What was under his cold exterior, for real? What was underneath those layers of protection? What was this boy like, for real? I'd find out. I'd find out someday, and then I would know how to find the words to call him what I've wanted to since I saw him sleeping.

We found Fuuka, but Mitsuru and Takeba had run into some trouble down on the first floor. Our team fought hard, and we took out _Them_, those strong Shadows, and when we were all safe, only then did I turn my focus away from the girls and to that boy. I moved to him and pulled a cloth from my pocket, and I wiped the blood from his pale face, holding his chin with the other hand so he couldn't escape. Those gray eyes stared at me, as though they wanted to know why I would do such a thing. I only stared fondly back, before I went to Mitsuru and made sure she was alright. I could feel his eyes on the back of my head, and I didn't care. In fact maybe I liked it, more than I would ever admit.

As we walked back, Mitsuru and Takeba vowing to help Natsuki home, and Iori had Fuuka in his arms to take her home. I gave him the address, and sent him along his way, and then I turned to the blue-haired youth. We walked, heading back home, tired and worn and a bit sick from action overkill, and I gave him a brief glance. The green moon rested its beams on his face. His hair had the faint tainting of its glow, and the pale skin on his cheeks colored a faint color that made him look ill. Gazing to me, the male blinked at me with his gray eyes, those closed and shielded but so interesting eyes, and I looked forward in embarrassment. I wondered; did he actually know how much I watched him? I certainly hoped not. I was Gekkoukan's 'golden boy', I was the boxing champion, Akihiko Sanada, senior. The cool upperclassman. If he knew I watched him as obsessively as I did…Well, actually, what would that mean? It's not like he spoke enough to spread it around. It's not like he cared, either, from what it seemed.

**You glow**, he mumbled. **During the day, if I see you. You seem to glow.**

**Yeah?** I mused, looking to him, smirking. **What color?**

**Gold.** I looked to him, my eyebrows raised. I was told the opposite, often. Sometimes they would say I glowed silver, as opposed to gold. I actually wondered where they had gotten 'golden boy', when my hair and my fair skin reminded people of silver or gray. They said I shone a bright color, but never before had I been called 'gold', before. He seemed to note my surprised gaze, and a small, faint, wonderful smile appeared on his lips. I smiled too, and didn't ask why he thought gold. He had his own reasons. I smirked and thought; _when should I tell him he's silver at night?_

* * *

A/N: Copyrights for the lyrics go to Panic at the Disco, copyrights for the characters go to Atlus and such. My ideas are mine. 3

So, yeah. This is part one of however many. I don't think I'll go past four parts, but it might be shorter than that. Whatever. Read and review, please!


	2. Part 2

_When the moon found the sun,_

_He looked like he was barely hanging on,_

_But her eyes saved his life in the middle of summer._

* * *

My world was changing and I didn't seem to notice it. In my head, the halls I walked seemed surreal and disturbed, but to my eyes, I saw them in perfect vision. Gekkoukan high, always the same as always. I was the life of the Boxing club and a few fan clubs. I was the 'awesome senior, the cool upperclassman', just like I wanted to be. My grades were good, my teachers simply adored me, and I appeared to be in complete and utter control of every aspect in my life. The dream world I thought I was in wasn't real, and I knew it wasn't. When I moved through Gekkoukan, the peers who smiled at me weren't horrid creatures with rows of sharp teeth or a dastardly control of the elements. I was safe in the day. I was Akihiko in the day. The world wasn't twisted when the sun was glowing. But as soon as night fell, everything was mutilated into a hideous nightmare that had haunted me for years.

I had developed a sense of knowing when those gray eyes lingered on the back of my skull. So occasionally, when I felt that gaze, I'd lift my head from my thoughts and look to him. He would always just be standing there, a book under his arm, gray eyes curious and so shielded, hands in his pockets. Then I would glance away, unable to maintain eye contact, but not because of the flow of students around me eager to find a friend to hang with for lunch. I wondered if he could always find me because he saw that glow. I already stood out I supposed, but I found nothing truly remarkable about myself that would make me stand out besides my hair. I'd move on then, leaving him to stare at my back until I turned a corner and abandoned him in the hallway. I'd never call out to him or approach him like so many of his friends seemed to like to do. Until I knew I was the 'cool upperclassman' to him, I didn't think I deserved the chance to ask him if he wanted to go up on the roof and have lunch with me.

I didn't think we were friends. We were teammates, fighting for the same cause, we were partners. But friends? I didn't think so. I was obsessed with this boy. I was obsessed with staring at him, trying to mentally dissect him and figure out why he was such a guarded, quiet person. We'd never actually had a long, healthy conversation, but considering him, I supposed I wasn't going to even get one anyway. Not unless I learned how to understand the words his eyes would flash me, and that was just plainly hard. I couldn't read his eyes; it was as though he'd send me messages in another language. This only fed my curiosity. I knew he was weak too, I could remember very clearly that night when he had come up to me with that frightened look, but that didn't stop me from envying his strength. Social, emotional, physical--he had all of the strengths I lacked. I needed to be better than him, and I needed to know how he was so guarded all the time. What kind of endurance did this boy have? Why couldn't I have it too? Until I was superior to him, and I knew he would admit it, only then would I maybe consider him a friend. When I reach that point, I would call him my friend and the beautiful moon flower he was. Before I hit that point, for now, I'll just watch.

That was the resolution in my head. But the world was changing, and so was my personality. I'd sit in my room some nights, wondering why. Why? Why was he better? I was jealous and angry and hateful of him. That stupid little flower. I couldn't bring myself to hate him, though. I only hated how he was better than me. From then on out, after that, I would train harder in Tartarus. If he didn't want to go out, whether he was tired from studying or worn out from another visit, I'd take Iori or Mitsuru and go train by myself. I had to be better. I had to rise above him. I craved his acceptance and his approval so badly, I worked myself until I ached in my bones. I would be stronger. I would be strong enough to protect him. I would be strong enough to make sure I never had to see that frightened look again. I'd find out what he was thinking without having to scare the hell out of him; I didn't want to see him that shaken again.

I was wearing myself out. Shinji had to remind me to take it easy when I met him sometime in early July. I was leaning over the rail of the second floor at the Iwatodai strip mall, and he was standing with his back against it, dark eyes watching the windows of the shops. We didn't get together very often these days. It wasn't that we were avoiding each other, but times were changing. We were older than we used to be, and I had Gekkoukan, Tartarus, and that boy to focus on. Shinji…Well, hell if I knew what Shinji was up to these days. He doesn't tell me anything that happens to him, but I suppose that's in retaliation for me keeping my own mouth shut about me. With an exhausted sigh, I lowered my head, and the male glanced my way. I lifted my head, about to tell him to stop looking at me, when I noticed those soft, blue locks. I stared down, and he stared back up.

**What have you been?** I asked, a bemused smirk on my lips. Those gray eyes blinked, then he shrugged and started to come up the stairs. Shinji snorted, rolling his eyes so hard it looked painful, and told he'd see me later. Maybe. I didn't tell him to hang around. For some reason, I think I've isolated myself with vocally reluctant people, but I didn't much care. I liked the silence. I liked it even more when I heard his quiet, gentle voice, so I just took what I got from him. The boy moved to my side, leaning across the rail, his music a soft buzz to my ears. I looked to him, but I didn't stare. It was more subtle than staring, it was more careful and ginger. I'd say 'watching'. I don't care how anyone else put it. I watched the way his eyes moved to see things far; I watched how the back of his jaw worked when he was thinking. Everything he did absolutely intrigued me. Frustration bubbled in my chest and I swallowed it down.

In the end, I never spoke to him. He never spoke to me. We went home together, and he went straight upstairs to go study while I dawdled on the first floor to watch Iori flirt shamelessly with Fuuka. Somehow, I wished I had talked to him. I wished I had asked him why he always kept people out of his thoughts and out of his heart. I wished I had asked him why he was so silent. That was my own fault. Perhaps I just wasn't as vocally graceful as I had thought I was, either. I was changing. Strength was all that used to matter. I doubted myself sometimes. Was it strength that really made that boy so strong? Was it strength that made the moon flower glow when I looked at him? I would continue to watch him after that. I wanted to know. I wanted to know why this boy was so different. I had to know. How could he maintain such a distance, yet be so very tauntingly close? The way his pale face would glow when the crystal glow of a real moon stared down at him made me think to how he looked as delicate as a flower. Yet, that had been when I had thought he was a nothing. Now, I knew differently. He wasn't nothing. In school, he was becoming very popular, he was a smart little devil, and to doubt his bravery was to stare at the Shadows and tell them that they weren't nightmarish little bastards.

We took our exams. The boy was at the top of his class, and I did alright. When Mitsuru caught me looking for his grade, she looked amused. She told me I'd never shown this much vigor into any other person alive. I'd blushed and told her to shut it, flustering. She chuckled and left me to myself, and I wanted to make an obscene noise just to make her startled. She didn't do very well with jokes such as that. I resisted the urge, figuring that it was more like Iori to do something so childish, and I silently praised that moon flower for doing so well. But…_how?_ God, it was killing me. What I didn't know was that in a few days, after we had left to Yakushima for summer break, I'd finally crack his shell.

The days were full of drama and fun. It was on the late evening of July twenty first. I had left the rest of the group as they staggered off to bed, exhausted from such a long day, and I moved to the shore. I took off my shoes and stood where the water could run across my toes. It felt good, and the moon was beautiful. I thought of that junior's hair, and shut my eyes. My hands hung limply at my sides, a soft and vague breeze tugged at my shirt around me, and I felt so at ease. Stress had been pushing on me all the last month or so, the pressure to get stronger had forced me to lose a few pounds and my nightmares were a little worse, but when I was here, standing here on a moon-lit beach near the dead of night…I felt completely easy. I was so absorbed with myself and my thoughts of that boy, I didn't notice when he had slipped to my side. I came to earth when I felt those gray eyes on me again. I glanced to him, a tad startled, but I smirked and moved a hand, rubbing the top of his head. I liked to touch his hair. It was soft and smooth, and rested so gently on his skin. A beautiful little moon flower that glowed silver at night. I wanted to pull him close, to whisper that promise that I had kept from him so he knew; _I promise to protect you. _But I didn't speak, and eventually, he reached up and took my strong hand.

Those gray eyes lowered. The shield around them broke, and I got to peer straight into his mind. There was sadness, and I didn't understand it. Sadness? He had been so happy the last few days, a carefully calculated and kind smile on his lips while we went on Operation Babe Hunt or splashed around in the water. I didn't understand his sadness. His smaller, softer hands held mine gently, as though he didn't want to lose that connection. Like it was the only thing keeping us together. I don't know why, but I felt my demons coming back. I felt the nightmares in my mine coming back, and the horrible jealousy and hatred rising up in my stomach. Why? Why could he pretend everything was okay? How could he lie so easily, and how could I not? I was his superior! I was supposed to be the one good at lying, at concealing, but he was a master of a level I had never even hoped of reaching. My lies were horrid at lying. His…

**I miss home,** his soft lips murmured. That voice was so beautiful. I twisted his way fully, turning my front from the moon so he had my full attention. Those gray eyes looked silver when they looked up. They were brimmed with something I had never even imagined coming from him before. I was shaken. I was disturbed. I didn't know what to do. So I did what I had wanted to do. Using my free hand, I rested my palm on the back of his head and pulled him into my chest. I freed the other hand and just held him, resting my head against the side of his. He shook, as though the touch had hurt him, but I didn't let go. It took a few seconds, but eventually he placed his head against my chest and cried. Why? I didn't ask. I don't think he wanted me to, either. No. This other, this flower, he was not nearly as strong as I had perceived him to be. I knew he had accepted me, then. I knew he trusted me. He was lowering his shield for _me_. He trusted me enough to let me see into his heart. A brief glimpse was a glimpse, and I lavished in the attention.

When he had calmed, we both sat down into the sand. We were far enough away from the water so we didn't get our pants wet, but close enough to stretch out our feet and have the liquid tickle the bottom of our heels. His head was against my chest. I had an arm around him. He was close, he was warm, and he was letting me in. I didn't know how he ticked. I didn't know anything more than I had. But he was letting me into his heart and I didn't want to push it. After a while of sitting there, and as we grew tired, he shut his eyes and swallowed quietly. **When I was small, my room had golden embroidery. My sheets were silver. They symbolized the sun and the moon.**

**Hm?** I hummed, looking to him gently, encouraging him to continue. **I've always liked the moon, you know. I don't mind it when it's sick with Dark Hour green, either. It's kind of cool**

He smiled faintly, and I couldn't help but do the same. His smile was so very rare and precious. I'd never think of the moon without it now. When I think of the moon, I think of this moment, when he first let me into him. The pressure of being better was gone now. I didn't have to try so hard to impress him. I wasn't going to work myself to death just to try and get into him. His voice came again and I focused on him. I wanted to know everything about him, and he spoke so little. Every word he said meant a whole lot. **I loved the sun. The moon used to make me sad. I remember the moon on the night my parents died. It laughed at me. The sun never laughed. The sun made me happy. That's why I like your glow…** I blushed, but smiled anyway.

**You're a flower,** I finally admitted quietly. **You bloom when the moon shines on you…** I was going to continue, but as I ran a hand over his blue locks, I heard his soft, slow breathing. He had fallen asleep. As carefully as I could manage, I picked him up and stood. He was light and delicate, as I had always thought he was, and it made my stomach flutter. The boy was my friend. I didn't have the strength to say it was more than that. I think we would both be content with just being friends. I headed back to the Kirijo mansion, leaving our shoes there, side-by-side, on the beach.

I could always buy a new pair of flip flops.

We learned much about Tartarus, we met Aegis, and I think I had finally breached that boy's impenetrable defense. I actually hadn't learned much from him. He thought simpler than I had thought he would. His ideas were short and silent, but they spoke lengths for his character. I still didn't know how his parents died, I didn't know why he missed home now, and I wasn't sure why he had to keep those secret. There was something I hadn't unlocked. There was probably many somethings I hadn't unlocked in him, but I knew that if I could open one door in his heart, I'd have the key to open them all. Then I would get my answer. Then I would know what he was, where his drive came from. Then…Well, I don't know, but then I'd know what he thought. I'd know what he felt. Perhaps then, I could claim him mine and I could call him a pretty little moon flower? The next time I did…I'd make sure he wasn't asleep for it. The summer vacation at the beach was over. As he stared off the side of the ferry taking us back, I moved up to his side, and watched him again. He glanced back, and the shield melted away. It was only for a second but the shield was down. Instead of that sadness, I saw he was happy.

For some reason…that was all that mattered to me then.

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A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! They mean a lot. Keep them coming? Please?

Next part's probably the end, and if not, the part after. I'm not going past four. Cranking out big paragraphs like this is hard! -Laugh-


	3. Part 3

_Well he was just hanging around_

_Then he fell in love_

_And he didn't know how_

_But he couldn't get out_

* * *

We moved fast. Emotional attachment led to physical demand. The summer was hot and sticky and summer school was beating out our brains. It gave us something to do during the steamy days, and kept our minds away from Tartarus for the most part. We still had our duty, but the summer was relaxing us, and for the most part, stress seemed to have left me completely. I can't recall another time when I felt so carefree and light. School work didn't faze me, and I knew that the kid was at the top of his game without a doubt. When the others were trying to cram and do homework in their rooms or try to not overheat by being sprawled out on the couch or various other locations, I'd find that junior under me. Blue hair would be plastered to his face, his pale body would be lathered in a hot sweat, and his gray eyes would stare up at me with a sort of hunger that I had come to recognize as his competitive side. I could divide this flower into different personalities, depending on the conditions. In Tartarus, you could find a bloodthirsty monster that sometimes got skittish. In sports, he was desperately competitive. Around friends, he was ungodly shy and anxious. But under me, he was the sexiest thing alive.

Outside of that boy's room, we interacted as vague friends. Never letting anyone know what we were, never even giving them actions to be suspicious of. He went about his life, and I went about mine. Sometimes I'd show up at his door, and he'd let me in with a tug on my shirt and then he'd seal my mouth with his. I wasn't sure what this actually meant. It definitely represented the physical attraction between us, but emotionally? I didn't think it was doing anything for us emotionally. After we were done, I'd redress enough to make it across the hall without being persecuted, but when I'd gaze back at him I'd see those gray eyes a little distant and sad. I wondered if my eyes reflected the same thing, because he'd shield himself and whispered a hoarse good night to me. I'd leave without saying anything. Then I would curse myself for being a bit shy and wish I had said good night too. Even as I stared at him while he came into the dorm after grabbing some groceries for us on the way home from summer school, I could tell the problem from before had not been solved. He'd opened up to me, but he still kept everything to himself.

I was going to fix that. I was Akihiko. I was his superior. I was his night lover. I would find out why those soft, gray eyes were so sad. I told myself this, but I never asked. I never pulled him close once we were done with one of our intimate moments. I never held him and asked why he was upset. Why? I was awkward. I wasn't the most emotional guy, and I had some trouble conveying my intentions with words. My actions spoke much more gracefully, but they couldn't do much if I was just too shy to wrap my arms around his slim frame. The days ticked by and summer school came to an end. On the morning of the Summer Festival, I woke up to a soft rapping on my door and found him waiting outside of my room. Agitated I hadn't been able to sleep in, I told him to go by himself, and he slipped his hands into his pockets. With a soft nod, he turned, and left down the hall. I instantly hated myself for saying that. Yet he went anyway, with no complaint, no protest, and no sad expression. Was I the one making him depressed? Was I the one who drained him of the life he had had only days ago?

I stopped coming to his room at night. He stopped knocking on mine to ask if I would join him.

Was this my doing? Was I the one shoving us apart? It wasn't long after that that Shinji joined us again. We had quite the group now, and it was getting harder to get a solid night of sleep because of the many Tartarus missions we went on. Everyone needed to be trained equally, and it was hard with such a large party when only four of us could go in at a time. We had our original group, Aegis, Ken, that dog Koromaru, and Shinji. There were a lot of us, but we handled it. Since I hadn't gone to that boy's room in ages, my focus began to slide from him, and I didn't know why. I didn't want to. I didn't want him to slide from my grasp now that he was mine. I knew I had blown it when I caught him by his arm one day and asked how he was. He gave me a noncommittal shrug, and I tried to peer into those gray eyes. The shield was worse. They seemed dulled, listless, so guarded that even the life was hidden away. I let him go without meaning to, and he slipped past. Why was I so concerned? I never learned why he did what he did. I never learned who he was, or why he missed his home now.

Shinji was back to his old habits. He'd move into my room at night and if he wanted to get something off of his chest, he made sure to take me. I missed the dominance I had gotten with that kid, it was nice to be the one on top, but Shinji didn't care and I guess maybe it didn't bother me too much either. Shinji and I had always done things like this, even back in middle school. He had been curious and rowdy and demanding then, and I had been too weak-voiced to say no. It wasn't so bad. I didn't mind. Yet I did feel like I was betraying that flower. We were not friends anymore, and we hardly had been lovers, so my mind was curious as to why I cared. I didn't know how. But I did. I cared a lot. It wasn't just an obsession anymore. I cared about him, and I had to stop Shinji one night when he had his lips against mine.

**What?** he demanded sharply as I pushed him back. **Aki--** I cut him off. I shook my head.

**I can't do this.** I told him softly. **Not anymore, Shinji.**

**Why the hell not?** he snarled, thrusting me against the wall, anger in his eyes and posture. I remembered the events of earlier that day; I had learned of Shinji's secret. Of the pills that would kill him. I suppose agreeing to sex again this night was my way of apologizing to him. He wasn't happy I was getting cold feet.

**I…think I love him, Shinji. The kid. I can't do this. Get out.**

He raised an eyebrow, then he snorted and slammed me to the wall again in an angry fit. Gathering his coat and his hat and his shirt and leaving in a huff. I slid down the wall and lay against it, my back to the wall and my side to the bed. I felt like a rag doll. I shut my eyes and tried to sort everything out. But it proved too hard for me to solve alone. I needed him. I needed to hear his voice. I needed to see his eyes; what his eyes really looked like. A bright grey, almost a beautiful silver. The moon was out. I wanted his glow. I wanted to see my flower in full bloom. I pulled myself up and tugged my own shirt back on, and weakly staggered from my room to his. I knocked quietly, a hand breezing through my hair. He opened it, in his boxers and a white shirt. He stared up to me, and I saw the tearstains on his cheeks. He stared down quickly, fists clenching, and I knew he was going to slam the door on me. I caught it as it began to swing, and I grabbed his arm.

We struggled. I eventually stepped inside and trapped him in a bear hug. It was silent, not a word was uttered between us. Once he stopped, I felt his body heave and he gave up completely. The blinds were pulled, and the door was shut. There was nothing but the soft hum of crickets and the gentle rustle of a breeze against the window. Then he buried his face into my chest and shook with tears, fingers gripping at my shirt. As I loosened my grip and let my arms slide into a regular hold, I rested my head against his and stared around his room. There was a damp spot on his pillow and my stomach twisted painfully. He had been crying a while. Why? Why? Why was he sad? It wasn't my fault, was it? I hadn't made him cry…had I? I wanted to protect him. I wanted to make him happy. I wanted to protect this youth from ever looking so sad and so scared, but I seemed to have caused even more of it than I had protected him from. I wanted to help him. All I had done was harm him.

His tears didn't stop for a while, but I stood there and held him as he cried. Even if my legs got a bit sore, and even if my back was complaining, I didn't move away from him or make him move. I just held him close and let him wash it from his system. I said nothing. He said nothing. All that came from us was his quiet sobs, which tore my heart in two as I heard them. When he finally seemed to have control, he looked up at me with broken eyes. The gray was clouded with misery. If anything…I'd have said he looked heartbroken. My fingers moved and wrapped around his, and I rested my forehead against his. I whispered to him an apology. I was so sorry. I was. I didn't know if I had honestly been sorry for anything since middle school, but I was so sorry for this. I was so sorry for hurting him with my negligence. I wanted to protect him from this. I had to protect him from myself. I needed to change. I needed to realize that not everybody was like Shinji; Shinji pretended to not feel, probably because his mind was too far away. This boy, my flower, wasn't empty. He couldn't bounce back if I shoved him away, not alone.

**Be my sun**, he whispered to me. **Glow golden for me. I need the light…more than anything else.** I smiled my crooked smile and wrapped him tightly in my arms. He smiled his faint, sweet smile, which contrasted against the tears on his cheeks and the stains around his eyes. I slid into bed with him, and he fell asleep in my arms. I kept him close and secure, and whispered a promise into his ear.

I wouldn't ever leave him alone again.

Time passed. The seasons grew crisper and the Shadows grew stronger. I was stronger too. In fact, we all were. But…maybe not as strong as we hoped. October fourth rolled by, and in its wake…I was destroyed. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't strong enough to realize the pieces that had fallen into place. My world had been diluted and I hadn't noticed what was going on around me. I hadn't let Shinji touch me since I told him to back off, and he had respected that. He tried to steal some hot mouth action one night while I was in his room studying, but I told him to back off. He didn't seem to care anymore anyway, his mind was somewhere else. It always was. Was it on the pills? Was it on the fact I had let myself fall in love? I would never know. I never asked, he never told. Then…Then he was gone. He was dead. It happened too fast. Shinji was dead. Shinji was _dead_. That night, I sat on my bed. I rocked. I wanted to get angry; I wanted to destroy everything in my room. I wanted to go into his room and destroy everything there. Why? Why did he leave me? He had been my best friend ever since my days back in the orphanage. He was my brother. He was…

I don't know if I cried. I couldn't tell you. Inevitably, I did. I probably cried hard. My memory was foggy from tears. It was early, very early in the morning, but sometime in the night I heard him come into my room. That blue-haired flower sat next to me and his arm curled around my shoulder. I had my head in my knees. I hadn't been strong enough. I hadn't been able to protect Shinji. I hadn't been able to protect my brother, my best friend. That boy held me and stayed close, like I had for him before. I knew now what it was like in his shoes…but I didn't move to him. I just let him stick to me. I think I cried myself to sleep. When I woke, I was late for school and I didn't care. When I woke, he was gone. I was alone. But when I finally dragged myself from bed, and I went to school, I talked to Shinji. It was only a memorial, but I talked to him. And I realized…that strength wasn't everything. Strength didn't protect my flower. Strength hadn't saved Shinji. I needed to protect those I cared for, and Shinji had died an honorable death saving one who wasn't cursed, he had protected someone. I needed to continue on. I needed to live up to him.

That night, I moved to that junior's room, and I sat down next to him. I tugged him into my lap, and he rested his head against my shoulder. **You'll always be close to me. I won't let you be hurt.** I squeezed him a little, and he nodded. **Always glow silver for me. I need something to light the dark path we have ahead, you got it?** I nipped his ear and he smiled, and so did I.

That night, we slept next to each other, that boy under my arm and his face pressed against my chest. I had no nightmares, for once in my entire life. I slept the easiest I had in ages. I thanked Shinji for giving me mental peace, and I thanked my blue-haired moon flower for coming back to me. I thanked him for coming back, because now, I felt happy. The happiest I had been since Yakushima, the happiest I had been since that night when he told me I glowed. I felt him stir sometime in the night and I cracked open an eye. He smiled at me lovingly, and I moved in. Our lips met. For a few long seconds, we remained connected, and then we parted slowly. He moved to my ear, and whispered one thing to me. One thing I couldn't forget even if I'd tried.

**I love you.** Soft, sweet, simple…just like that kid. It was a shame I couldn't say the same thing back, and I could only manage a low, **Yeah, I know,** in return.

The days ticked by faster than the seconds hand on the clock on the wall. Soon it was November. Our resolves were slowly strengthening, and we were all so much stronger because of it. I had come to my revelation back when Shinji had died, and the next one to come to his was Ken. Fuuka got her own after him. The other members seemed to still be worrying about themselves and the problems around them, and I knew it was a hard time for them. But there was only one person whose resolve I cared for, and he hadn't had it. I'd watch him more than ever, waiting to see that confidence change in posture, a free-forming smile, but it wouldn't come. He'd sit quietly on the couch in the lobby, head back against the couch, and he'd listen to his music. It got progressively louder over the next few days, as though he was trying to shut out everything. He still let me in at night, but we no longer fought for dominance at night. We slept together, innocently, silently, lovingly. It was better than when we were physical anyway, but this did mean I had to find other ways to keep my second head from getting the better of me. The last thing I wanted to do was make a move when he didn't want it.

Then came that night. That night would change a lot of things. We defeated the Hanged Man Shadow, the last of _Them_. Strega disappeared, presumed dead, from a fall off of a bridge. There were calls for a celebration and I had to say, I was pretty excited. We had beaten the Dark Hour; we had beaten the last of those Shadows. After that night, there would be no more of them. I felt those gray eyes on the back of my head, and I glanced to him. He was smiling. For a moment, I worried if the lack of Tartarus would pull us apart, but then I looked aside and smiled. No. It wouldn't. I wouldn't let him be pulled away again. And I wouldn't be the one to push him away this time, which was for sure. As we headed back to the dorm, I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and smiled.** You did good, kid. **He blushed and I smiled more.

Celebrations were on the next day. We were happy, and everything…everything seemed so right. That was, until the Dark Hour appeared. Aegis and the chairman was missing…and from the uncomfortable pits of our stomachs, we had a pretty good idea where. We were surprised when we arrived in front of Tartarus. Ikutsuki had control over Aegis, and his plans and intentions were made clear. It was the first time we heard about The Fall. It wouldn't be the last. We were knocked out…and when I awoke, I was furious. I was beyond control. I could feel my Persona ripping at the shreds of my sanity in a desperate attempt to fulfill my desires to rip off Ikustuki's insane brain. Then…Aegis turned her gun on him. On my flower. The sickly glow of the moon illuminated his pale face, and I could see from my angle…he was scared. His eyes were wide, pleading, but he said nothing. I realized then…he would embrace death, given or forced upon him. He would accept it. As scared as he was, he went to no effort to stop her. He just watched. I clenched my hands, breathing hard through my mouth. I…I couldn't lose him. I couldn't lose him. Then Aegis shot. I think my heart stopped beating, even as I slumped to the ground ungracefully, my wrists free of the shackles.

The rest of the night is a blur. I can't say I can clearly relate what happened on that tower after that. I staggered home with the rest of the group, heavy with fear and agony. As I stumbled into my room, the world resumed normalcy, and I collapsed onto my bed. That boy came in after me, concern written in those gray eyes, and I sat up. He moved automatically into my lap, and I crushed him into a needy hug. I pulled at his clothing. I was scared. I was out of my mind with fear. I could've lost him. I could've lost him, and then…what would have been the point? I loved him. I loved him. And through the haze of my emotions, and as I pulled him down into my bed, not even bothering to kick off my shoes, I whispered, **I love you.** My voice was desperate and strained. He pressed a kiss to my lips and I slipped into one of the most uneasy nightmares I had ever had. Yet in my dream…he was the bright spot. I let him guide my way because right now…that's all I had to follow.

* * *

A/N: Alright, alright, I'm going to freakin' fix this. I don't know if it looks weird to anyone else, but I am so sick of seeing this chapter corrupted.

Also. I don't know if I'm ever gonna finish this sucker. I want to, and it deserves an ending, but damn it all...xD It's so hard to get back into the mood.


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